False idols like Katie Price. It’s clear she’s an idol to almost all of the fake-tan-sodden girls featured on Snog Marry Avoid; let’s face it, basically every lass up there. UP NORTH. These 13 year old kids are also trying to look like her – and they haven’t even got breasts to augment yet! Even some men regard her as worthy of worship – this transsexual on This Morning actually looks quite like her, unfortunately. Once upon a time, Peter “superimposed abs” Andre worshipped her too, though his position as her manslave has now been usurped by that thick-necked idiot Alex-The-Cagefighter-and- “Actor” (recently in the most abhorrent, disgusting, appalling excuse for a film I have ever clapped eyes upon a trailer for – Killer Bitch – highly controversial due to its multifarious nasty porny scenes, especially one in which Alex Reid rapes a disabled woman after pulling her out of her wheelchair). Who wouldn’t respect Katie – she clearly chooses her men well, and carefully cultivates that classy image of hers as a career woman and a loving mother. Look at the launch of her latest super-respectable Equestrian clothing range, for example.
Would you let your children near this desperate misguided skank in hotpants for any amount of money?!
That’s it, slightly-taller kid on the left Close your eyes, or she might poke them out with her grossly oversized titties. However, repulsion and vomit-filled buckets aside, you’ve got to respect Katie just a little bit for soldiering on through the storm of scorn, to sell her books about herself and Ken Peter and ponies, selling clothes for riding ponies, buying ponies, doing stuff with ponies..(god knows what she’s done with ponies). She may be an idiot Barbie lookalike, but she is worth about £40 million. That can’t hurt (nothing hurts when you’re 80% plastic). So maybe she is a legitimate idol for young women (and men) – rolling around in cash cackling and squealing like the Wicked Witch of the West with her fat little whinnying ponies? Come to think of it, I can sit here and bitch all I like but she’ll have the last laugh in 20 years’ time when she is made fully plastic and entirely encrusted with pink diamonds, controlling an empire of biscuity-scented orange robot killer WAGs and installing her son Harvey with laser eyes, whilst her whole family wipe their bums with £50 notes.
More musings on idols later… I’m going to go out and get some fake lashes, half a ton of fake tan, bronzer, and as much cement-based slap as I can lay my greedy little hands on. Then two footballs, and a pea-brained footballer to make a blind son. I’m a skint graduate fresh out of a respectable uni – but if I have to lower myself intellectually and morally while conversely pumping up my boobs in order to get a quid or two in this evil post-recession wasteland, then goddamn, I’ll do it.
